When my daughter was born I didn’t really think that breastfeeding was going to be an issue. I mean women have been nourishing their children this way for eons. Women with many children and from all over the world breastfeed (and sometimes for many years for each child), so I thought that breastfeeding would be a piece of cake. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. And while the benefits of breastfeeding are undeniable for both mom and baby, I can totally understand why many moms switch to formula. Breastfeeding is NOT easy or pain free in the beginning (this has to be humanity’s biggest kept secret). The good news is that once a good relationship is established, breastfeeding is a lot easier and more convenient that bottle-feeding. But be prepared for the learning curve that takes a few weeks.
Once I had delivered, I was excited about my little girl’s first feeding. I had the expectation that it would feel amazing (thanks to ‘Friends’) and I would feel this magical bond between my daughter and I. In reality, the only thing I felt was PAIN. It hurt to sit up, it was hard to hold this fragile little thing that couldn’t control any of her limbs, I didn’t feel I had enough hands to get her in the right position, and she kept “latching on” incorrectly. The whole experience was making my nipples raw. Torture would have to be less painful than this! The lactation consultants at the hospital kept telling me that if it hurt, it wasn’t a good latch and I should take her off and try again. However, after the fifteenth time of trying to re-latch when you have a screaming, hungry baby on your hands there is no way it is going to feel good. Not only are you frustrated that you can’t soothe your crying baby, but you can’t understand why it just won’t work like the beautiful picture you had painted in your head. I mean this is the staple of motherhood; it should not be so hard.
On the first night that we brought her home, I had never been so frustrated in my life. My chapped, raw nipples felt as though they were going to fall off, and just the thought of her feeding one more time made me want to cry. Not to mention the fact that I was exhausted from sleep deprivation and emotional from all the hormones. But, there she was, screaming because she was hungry. In that instance, I broke down and gave her her first formula bottle. I felt so guilty.
For the next six weeks I pumped. It was so much work, but I was determined to give her my milk, and my milk only. I probably would have given up sooner, but when it comes to certain things I am more stubborn than a brick wall. This was one of those times that I dug in my heels. I knew I would only get one chance to give her my milk, and if I stopped, I wouldn’t be able to go back. I knew I wouldn’t want to regret something this big. While pumping was a pain in the neck and a little irritating, it wasn’t as painful as breast feeding once I had healed a bit. My husband and I had already begun discussed how pumping, cleaning, sterilizing, and pumping again for the next feeding was taxing and we agreed that if nothing changed, at three months we would switch to formula.
Then one day, while waiting for my husband to bring me the bottle, I held her in my arms. She was crying, again, because she was hungry. Stubborn as I am, I decided to bring her to my breast to see if anything had changed. To my surprise, she latched on beautifully and it didn’t hurt! We were nursing! It was working! Chris walked in with a bottle in his hand to see me crying with my baby at my breast. His first instinct was to say “if it hurts, don’t do it.” But these were tears of joy. I felt like I was finally a real mom.
Soon there after, I was lucky enough to stumble across an organization called La Leche League. It is a worldwide organization that promotes and supports breastfeeding. They have regular meetings (which I still attend) where topics such as ‘latching on’ and ‘breastfeeding for the first time’ are some of the many topics that are discussed. I wished that I had found out about them sooner so that I would have had a support group to turn to when I was having such a hard time. They really know their stuff. I am always amazed by how helpful I find each and every meeting. Finding a resource like this is probably the best thing a new mother can do. Whether it is a group of experienced moms in your neighborhood, or an association like La Leche League, every new mom needs a safe place to talk about options, feelings and get advice on anything you may be wondering about. It can be the thing that makes the difference between giving up and succeeding at something you had your heart set on.
